This week’s post comes from The Struggling Warrior, a 26-year-old Electrical and Electronics engineer with OCD. Throughout his experience with this detrimental disease, he found himself and his passion for raising awareness of OCD and helping those suffering daily. He believes that through knowledge, education, and understanding of the sheer nature of the disease, people will jumpstart their recovery process and reclaim what OCD took away from them.
You can read his work at:
https://thestrugglingwarrior.com/
Navigating through university with OCD proved to be a unique challenge that I never quite anticipated. As I embarked on my educational journey, the relentless grip of obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors cast a shadow over what should have been an exciting time of growth and learning. From the outside, it might have seemed like any other student's experience, but internally, the constant battle with intrusive worries and the overwhelming need to perform rituals took a toll on both my academic pursuits and personal well-being. Here's a glimpse into how OCD became an unexpected and formidable companion throughout my university education.
Section 1: Unveiling the Obsessions
From the very beginning of my college life, OCD manifested in a barrage of intrusive thoughts that I couldn't escape. For instance, while walking down the crowded campus pathways, I would be haunted by thoughts of accidentally tripping someone, leading to devastating consequences.
The torment of Harm OCD gnawed at my sanity, leaving me in constant fear that I might unintentionally hurt someone. It wasn't just my safety at stake; I became obsessed with the well-being of others, haunted by the possibility of causing harm.
This fear extended to my academic life, as well. I would dread participating in science labs, fearing that I might mishandle hazardous substances and cause a catastrophic accident.
Scrupulosity was another aspect of OCD that relentlessly plagued my mind. Each step I took felt like walking on thin ice, fearing divine punishment for even the slightest misstep. Before an important exam, I would find myself praying relentlessly for forgiveness, convinced that my slightest mistake would draw divine wrath.
This constant anxiety about breaking rules or violating moral principles influenced my choices and made me question my worth as a person. I would spend countless hours researching religious texts, seeking reassurance that my actions aligned with the highest standards of righteousness.
On top of these distressing obsessions, the fear of shouting out profanities uncontrollably haunted me. The thought of embarrassing myself and offending others through involuntary outbursts filled me with dread.
During lectures, I would clench my fists tightly, struggling to suppress the impulsive urge to shout out offensive words. This constant battle in my mind created an internal struggle that no one else could see, but its impact was undeniable in my daily life.
Section 2: The Impact on College Life
College was supposed to be a time of exploration and growth, but OCD had other plans. Its relentless grip made academic life a constant struggle. I found myself facing significant challenges in my studies, which affected my performance and academic progress.
Academically, OCD became a formidable obstacle. The demanding coursework required focus and dedication, but I found it increasingly challenging to concentrate on lectures and assignments. My mind was a battleground of intrusive thoughts, leaving little room for learning and growth. The constant worry about perfectionism paralyzed me, making it difficult to complete tasks on time.
As a result of my OCD's impact on my academics, I struggled to keep up with coursework and maintain satisfactory grades. I had to repeat various courses and even an entire semester. Each academic setback further intensified my anxiety and self-doubt, deepening the cycle of OCD's influence on my life.
My difficulties with paying attention and attendance exacerbated the situation. The fear of being judged by others for my intrusive thoughts made it challenging to engage in classroom discussions. I often missed classes to avoid potential triggers, further hampering my academic progress.
Section 3: Seeking Help and Support
Recognizing that I had OCD was a pivotal moment, but it wasn't easy to accept. I grappled with denial and shame, fearing that admitting my struggles would label me as weak or broken. Nevertheless, I knew I couldn't endure the turmoil alone any longer.
With a mix of courage and vulnerability, I sought professional help. Finding a therapist who specialized in OCD was a turning point in my journey. During our sessions, I learned that I wasn't alone in my battles and that seeking help was not a sign of weakness but an act of strength. My therapist helped me unravel the complexities of my obsessions and offered practical strategies to cope with the constant onslaught of intrusive thoughts.
Section 4: Coping Mechanisms and Progress
The journey toward healing wasn't smooth, but with the guidance of my therapist, I began to develop coping mechanisms to manage my OCD symptoms. Mindfulness practices helped ground me in the present, reducing the impact of intrusive thoughts. During my daily walks on campus, I focused on the sensation of my feet hitting the ground, gently reminding myself that I was safe and in control.
Section 5: A Break from College - Taking a Medical Leave
Despite the progress I made in therapy, the burden of OCD became so overwhelming that I had to take a medical leave from college. The academic pressure combined with the relentless intrusion of OCD thoughts left me feeling emotionally drained and unable to cope. It was a difficult decision to make, but I knew it was necessary for my well-being and future growth.
During my medical leave, I focused on intensive therapy and self-care. It was a period of self-discovery and healing, where I learned to be gentle with myself and to embrace the support and understanding of my loved ones. It wasn't a quick fix, but I knew that taking this time to heal was crucial for my journey toward recovery.
Conclusion:
My college experience was far from what I had envisioned, but in its own way, it became a transformative journey of self-discovery and resilience. OCD may have left indelible marks on those years, leading me to repeat courses and take a medical leave, but I emerged stronger and more compassionate toward myself and others.
Today, I share my story with the hope that it may reach others who battle their inner demons. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it is the first step toward reclaiming your life from OCD's grasp. As I continue my journey beyond college, I carry the lessons learned, knowing that I have the strength to face whatever challenges come my way.
I am no longer defined by my OCD; rather, I am empowered by my resilience and determination to live a fulfilling life, no matter the obstacles. With therapy, support, and self-compassion, I am now ready to take on the next chapter of my life with newfound strength and optimism.
Missing your writings. I hope your well.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!