To the person that asked me, “Does OCD ever go away?”
And to anyone else who has been haunted by that question
To someone beginning their OCD recovery, the road ahead appears littered with contradictions more abundant than New York City potholes. I was reminded of this when I came across a Reddit post by someone frustrated over the annoyingly simple, yet overwhelmingly counterintuitive advice:
Accept the uncertainty.
Rin wrote how her life would be torn to shreds if she didn’t give into OCD’s demands and that the idea of simply accepting this possibility would be too horrible to bear. Without a fundamental understanding of how OCD works, that advice ended up hurting her, so I reached out to help. She told me how grateful she was and after realizing that I had a handle on my OCD, she asked:
Does OCD ever go away?
The truth is that it doesn’t. At least not completely. But, my promise to you is that taking your life back from OCD is not only possible but is being done every single day in a bunch of different ways. And to prove it, I called on our peers in the OCD community to share their experiences.
Take Melanie, who is no stranger to OCD’s chokehold. Melanie was haunted by a fixation that she’d hurt someone on the road. Hit-and-run scenarios overwhelmed her with anxiety and when these harm-related obsessions became too much to endure, she did the natural thing - avoided the threat.
Melanie didn’t touch a steering wheel for an entire year. She didn’t know it at the time, but this was doing more harm than good. This behavior was a type of ritual called compulsive avoidance. And as a result, her obsessions became stronger and her OCD symptoms worsened.
OCD is a uniquely formidable beast, not simply because of how hard it can attack, but because of how many weapons it can use to do the attacking. Harm OCD, which plagued Melanie, was only one weapon in its massive arsenal. Erika faced another that goes by the name of scrupulosity.
Erika’s obsessions were rooted in her desire to please God. To Erika, encountering the number 6 or 13 in any shape or form would provoke God’s wrath upon the world. As a result, Erika would compulsively pray, clean, read, and write in sets of 3, 5, and 7 to offset the destructive number 6. The obsession even extended to her diet, in which she would strictly consume food in blocks of 300, 500, and 700 calories at a time.
Erika’s scrupulosity OCD drove her to the point of attempting suicide. It was evident from Erika and Melanie’s struggles that things would get worse before they got better. But they did get better and here’s how they’ve been able to regain their life despite all odds.
Erika understands that engaging with OCD only gives it more fuel, so instead, she uses non-engagement responses (NERs). These are statements that intentionally affirm the uncertainty or anxiety that OCD wishes you’d run away from. Erika’s approach might now look like this:
Intrusive thought: You didn’t pray 3 times today. What if God causes your family to get into an accident?
NER: Interesting. I guess we’ll never know for sure if that’s going to happen. Thanks for the creative thought though.
Rather than wrestling with OCD to find certainty, Erika affirms the reality that certainty is something she’ll never achieve, and therefore, she is not going to waste her mental energy trying. This method allows her to proactively face her fears without engaging in OCD’s attempts to get her to ritualize.
To say Erika turned her life around is an understatement. In her own words:
…after an extremely long two-decade-plus battle with OCD, I’m finally at a point where I can create art and enjoy life. I’m so thrilled to be discovering what life is like with OCD in the back seat. If anyone feels alone, don’t give up hope. The light is right around the corner!
Melanie found similar success. She correctly identified the problem - her driving avoidance was a ritual that would be complete only when she removed all uncertainty of a car accident. Melanie understood that achieving this type of total control was impossible. Instead, she now focuses on what she can control - whether or not she does the compulsion. By focusing only on what is in her locus of control, Melanie has taken back the driver’s seat while OCD rides passenger.
Melanie attributes her newfound OCD management skills to the supportive community she discovered through online support groups and IOCDF conferences. I believe each individual in the OCD community has something invaluable to teach us. After all, look at what we’ve been able to learn from only Melanie and Erika.
Amanda is another shining example. Previously, she responded to her contamination OCD with avoidance and self-reassurance. Like Melanie, she realized how this was giving OCD more power over her and now responds much differently.
When OCD makes a demand for immediate action, Amanda waits a few seconds to minutes before doing the ritual. By delaying the ritual, Amanda is sending out a powerful message to OCD that she works on her own timeline. The longer she delays, the weaker her urge to ritualize becomes.
Amanda, Erika, and Melanie are pillars in the OCD community that have helped shine a light on how exactly we can live our best lives with OCD. From them, we’ve learned the techniques:
Delay the ritual (Amanda)
Locus of control (Melanie)
Non-engagement responses (Erika)
With that, I have a message for Rin, who prompted all of this with her Reddit post, and to anyone else who has ever asked, “Does OCD ever go away?”
While we may not be able to get rid of OCD completely, it’s entirely possible to take our lives back and that’s more than good enough.
Good Question
What better way to get to know each other than with a good question? Every Friday, I’ll include one of those questions and if you’d like, you can answer by replying to this email or by using the comment button below. Then, I’ll send you my answer. I look forward to getting to know you better!
What part of your OCD is the hardest to explain?
Until next time
Thanks for reading this week! And remember, if you ever have any questions, or suggestions, or want to chat, you can email me or DM me on Instagram or Twitter @orchardjournal.
See you,
Corey